Tips for Planning a Loved One’s Celebration of Life

Losing someone you love is one of the hardest things you will experience in this life. And in the middle of that grief, you’re usually asked to plan something meaningful to honor the person you’ve lost. That can feel like an impossible task when you’re still processing everything else that’s happened.

While funerals are one option, they can sometimes feel too stuffy and formal. A celebration of life offers a different kind of experience, while still honoring the life of your loved one. If you’ve ever been a part of one before, you probably remember how different this kind of event feels.

“At a time when the family is deep in grief, a celebration of life gives families a way to remind themselves of all of the positives of their times with the person they lost,” says Susan Fraser, Founder and CEO of In the Light Urns. “It’s about creating a moment that reflects who that person was and the impact they had on the people around them.”

When you understand the why behind putting together a celebration of life event, it serves as a good anchor for the entire planning process. Every decision you make should come back to the question of whether it reflects the person you’re honoring. And if it does, then you know you’re on the right track.

With all of that being said, here are a few pointers for planning the event:

1. Don’t Feel Rushed

One of the biggest advantages of a celebration of life over a traditional funeral is that it doesn’t have to happen within days of the death. If the family needs time to grieve before planning, that’s completely fine. Many celebrations of life take place weeks or even months after the passing. That extra time usually produces a more thoughtful, less stressful event.

Give yourself permission to take the time you need. The people who care about your loved one will show up whenever you’re ready. There are no rules regarding when you have to put on a celebration of life.

2. Make It Personal

The most meaningful celebrations of life are the ones that feel specific to the person. This is where personal touches make all the difference. (And they don’t have to be elaborate or expensive to be effective.)

• Photo displays are a super simple yet powerful option. It can be as simple as a collection of photos spanning different periods of the person’s life, or even just a slideshow of random pictures you can find.
• Music can be helpful, both as a way to set the mood and to honor your loved one’s life. It’s worth noting here that you don’t have to play your typical funeral songs. If your dad spent every Saturday morning blasting classic rock in the garage, that playlist is something that will make people smile and remember him more than generic instrumental violin songs.
• Consider incorporating their hobbies and interests into the event itself. If they were a gardener, provide small seed packets as something people can take away and remember your loved one by. If they were known for a specific recipe, serve that dish. If they had a signature drink, make it available. Details like these are the entire point of a celebration of life event.

3. Involve the People Who Knew Them Best

A celebration of life is so much richer and more meaningful when you have all of your loved one’s most important people there. Invite people to step up and say a few words or share a quick story.

Not everyone is comfortable speaking in front of a group, and that’s perfectly fine. You can provide some alternatives, like a guest book with prompts or a memory jar where guests write down a favorite memory on a card.

4. Handle the Logistics So Guests Don’t Have To

A quick note on logistics and planning: While you don’t need to “over-plan” the event, it is important to give people as much heads-up as possible. Otherwise, people’s calendars will fill up, and it’ll be challenging to ensure everyone can be there. 

If you’re planning a celebration of life for a few weeks or months out, it’s best to get it on the calendar as soon as possible and to send out invitations. This will give guests enough lead time for people to make arrangements, especially if they’re traveling from out of town. 

Lean Into Your Emotions

The term “celebration of life” can create this subtle pressure to keep things upbeat, but that pressure isn’t helpful. Grief and celebration don’t have to be opposites. They can coexist and interact in any way that you feel is appropriate.

The person you lost was real and complex. Done well, a celebration of life reflects that reality and allows everyone to process who they were and the legacy they’ve left behind.