The Forgotten Middle of Recovery and How Support Often Drops Off Before Healing Is Done

Virtually every adult has had to deliver condolences or offer support to someone who is healing from a loss or trauma. In the earliest stages, it’s easy for many people to simply reach out and say, “I’m so sorry. How can I help?” But after the initial trauma or loss, it seems like many supporters simply drift away. You figure you’ve done your part, and now the person has to work on their own recovery. But the reality is that the middle of recovery may be when that person needs you most. 

Here’s what that process looks like, and tips for staying involved: 

What Is the Middle of Recovery? 

The middle of recovery is the phase between experiencing a traumatic event and finally feeling healed from the experience. There is no determined timeline, and the healing process will depend on both the individual in recovery and the actual event. Sadly, many people think there’s a predetermined amount of time. So you may send a get-well care package, but then a few weeks or months go by, and people start saying, “You’re still grieving? It’s time to move on.” This kind of approach can make someone feel even worse. 

In fact, that middle period of recovery isn’t even linear. It has its ups and downs. Weeks after an event, a person may be feeling good. Then, suddenly, a reminder strikes of the deceased, a new pain rises up from a healing injury, or a phone call comes in from an estranged ex or family member. Now their world comes crashing back down, and they feel like they’re back to square one, starting recovery all over again. 

Why Support Drops Off

So, you may be wondering, if middle recovery is so common, why does support drop off? Where does everyone go? Well, generally, people have busy lives, and most people are dealing with their own issues, whatever those might be. For that reason, you might need your friend or family member to be okay, so you kind of look the other way and hope they will be. After a few weeks, it’s easy to forget that the person just suffered a huge blow to their life. 

It’s also true that many people put on a strong face and tell their loved ones that they’re “fine.” They keep going through the motions and shove their pain down deep inside, compartmentalizing their feelings and forcing themselves to move on. Women in particular don’t want to be a bother to anyone, especially when it comes to illness or injury, so they hide their pain. The problem with compartmentalizing in this way is that it can delay healing and make things worse down the road. 

How to Keep that Support Going

In order to help your loved one heal, it’s important to continue to provide support throughout the middle of recovery. Yes, you should show up in the initial stages with flowers, food, cards or whatever feels right to you. But you should also stay present for your loved one as the weeks and months go by. 

Here are a few tips for how to do that: 

Check In

Providing ongoing support really can be as simple as a little check-in. If you already talk all the time, you can just add the check-in to the existing conversation. Say something like, “Hey, how are you doing with your grief right now?” Or, “How is the injury/illness?” Follow up with, “I want you to know I’m here for you, and I know you’re still working through your pain.” 

These supportive words, in person or via email, card, or text, signal to your loved one that it’s okay for them to still be healing and that you’re there when they need you. 

Send a Care Package 

Another way to support your loved one during the middle period of their recovery is to send care packages. These baskets or boxes filled with comfort items can really never get old. Take into consideration what your family or friend is going through, and add items that might help lift their spirits or provide the sustenance they need. 

You might send soup or a casserole with lots of snacks and treats. Maybe you could bring over a basket filled with self-care items like bubble bath, candles and cozy socks. Or you could send a box of reading material, like magazines, books on meditation, a book light and a journal to write in. Keep it personal, and it will surely be appreciated. 

Offer to Get Active 

One of the best ways to help someone through a troubling time, regardless of what the loss or trauma may be, is to get them moving. Exercise is an amazing mood lifter because it triggers the release of dopamine into the brain. Add sunshine to the exercise, and you get a double whammy of happy chemicals. 

If you live near your loved one, reach out and schedule a regular date for walking, running, swimming or any other way they like to move. When you make a weekly plan, you’re both more likely to keep showing up. Promise your loved one that they don’t have to talk if they don’t want to, but that you’re there for them if they do. 

Something Is Better Than Nothing 

In the end, anything you can do to reach out and offer support during the middle of recovery is way better than nothing. You may feel a bit paralyzed by the fact that you haven’t reached out yet, but don’t let that stop you from simply sending a text or making a date. Support is critical to a full recovery, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional or all three. You can help make a huge difference by just showing up and saying, “I’m here.”